Knowledge is Power
by GoldenAshTree
Summary: "He's married to a woman who loves another-quite the cliché, he has to admit." Rory reflects on loves lost and won, and sees things in a different way to the rose-tinted glasses that he normally wears. Rory/Amy, one sided Amy/11, Rory/11 friendship


**Knowledge is Power** by **SparklyAshTree**

He knows what's happening. He's not stupid. He can see it in her eyes, those endless eyes that always entrance him. And he's tired of it, of being second best. Because that's all he'll ever be to her. Second best. He always tried to be what she wanted him to be, but it was never good enough. And he knows that he can't take it anymore, that one day he will snap, and it will not be pretty. But that's just the way it is, he supposes.

It was there to see when they were children. Amy and her Raggedy Doctor. He was just so desperate for attention, to make friends with anyone, and even if she was the crazy Scottish girl, she was still nice to him and he clung to that. Things had never really been good at home, and she provided him with the shelter that he craved. And things just went from there. He's not exactly sure when it changed from desperate affection to love, but he thinks it might have been around the time when he saved her from the bullies at school, and she hugged him and gave him that smile, the smile that he wanted to remain forever upon her face, and him to be responsible for putting it there.

Mels knew about it-he's not sure how, or from when, but she did and whenever Amy would say something about her latest crush, or who she wanted to date next, and unintentionally break Rory's heart in the process, Mels would just roll her eyes and sympathetically pat his arm whenever Amy wasn't looking. And Rory still persisted. And when the time came to go to university, it was down to Rory to persuade Amy to actually do a degree, and achieve something in her life. And he knew, deep down, that she was only doing it because she felt bad about all the time he had spent on her forms, and helping her do essays and anything she needed, yet he still tried to convince himself that she was doing because he wanted her to, and that she wanted to make him happy.

And it was during uni that he found out that not only was she not interested in him, but she thought he was gay. Was convinced of it, even. And that near broke his heart. And of course Mels, darling Mels, decided to help in her own special way, by bringing up the topic whenever possible, and when Amy finally, _finally_, realised, tried to set them up by organising nights out and then falling suddenly ill (this being the girl who was the only one who didn't fall to the chicken pox or flu when everyone had it at school). And then the Doctor arrived, 12 years too late, and he lost her again.

That crazy Doctor. He should hate him, he really should but he can't. He came and went in a whirlwind of adventure and excitement and he had a way about him that had his heart pumping and his adrenal glands producing enough adrenalin to keep him going for days (he can't help it, he's a nurse with the ability to be a doctor, something he's desperate to prove). And he promised Amy again that he would come back for her and he did-admittedly two years later. And in those two years, he and Amy ended up engaged. And he was so happy for that, but he noticed how things were... Off about her. Not in an extreme way, but more the little details. They had always called him fussy and pedantic, and he knows it's true, but these things still matter to him. Like how she seemed distant, like she was still waiting for him. And he thought she wasn't. But then, on the night of their _wedding_ for crying out loud, it turns out that not only did she run away with the Doctor but she also tried to _sleep_ with him. Did she have no sense for how that would make him feel? And he knows the Doctor (or so he likes to think) and he knows that the Doctor would a) never do that to someone else and b) didn't know that it was the night before Amy's wedding, or else he wouldn't have taken her with him. And it just got worse. Yes she claimed that she discovered that she loved him because of his death in the dream world, but he is beginning to doubt that. After everything he's seen, he seriously doubts whether or not she was his at all.

Things were okay after the Doctor left after the wedding, but then came their call to America. Their call to arms. He saw how she reacted to the Doctor's death. It left him wondering. And then it was revealed that the Doctor was alive, and he has never seen her look so relieved (not even when she claimed that he had died in the other dream and that she was glad that he was okay). And when she was kidnapped, and called out for her one true hero. She tried to claim that she was talking about him, but he knew that she wasn't. It was obvious. And it was the little things too-calling him "stupid face" and the fact that she told the Doctor first that she was pregnant (who does that? Who doesn't tell their husband first, when they know that all he wants is a family and a chance to settle down?) And it was also the things like her distance from him, or the fact that she refused to talk to him, even after they had both lost their child.

He has done so much for her. He has loved her, all her faults and flaws, and he has protected her, for over two thousand years (and though the memories are hazy, they are still there, and so technically he is older than the Doctor now). But despite all of this, she cannot even do the simplest thing for him, such as remember him when he was erased from time (but she is only human, so he supposes that he should forgive her for that) or just taking his damn surname now that they are married! He doesn't ask much of her. All he asks is for a simple life, but if he can't get that (and let's face it, when hanging out with the Doctor, who can?) then all he wants is her love. But now he thinks he doesn't even have that any more. He's married to a woman who loves another-quite the cliché, he has to admit.

And he watches them now, and sees how she looks at him, her 'best friend'. He can see it all, how she loves him, but tries to hide it, because she thinks that he, Rory Williams, nurse and observer to all, hasn't noticed. And he knows that the Doctor is ignorant of her feelings, not because he is clueless or an idiot, but because he has seen so much pain and suffering and knows too much to even contemplate a marriage that is falling apart right in front of him. And Rory knows that he should hate the Doctor for what he has done to his wife and his marriage, but he cannot blame him, for every time he looks into his eyes, he sees the weight of the universe on his shoulders, and he knows that the Doctor does what he thinks is best for everyone.

He knows now that he will not give in, for he has a life here-he has a true friend in the Doctor, something that was not obvious to him until that trip he took into the bowels of the TARDIS to help the Doctor with some maintenance work whilst Amy slept in their bedroom. They talked of many things-of things that have passed, and of things that are yet to be, and it was then that Rory saw all of the suffering that the Doctor had felt in his many lifetimes, and he resolved to be a proper friend to the Doctor, with proper meaning that he wasn't trying to flirt with him, or make him feel jealous by flouncing his wife. He knows that his wife just uses him as a means to try and get to the Doctor, that he nothing but a plaything that she can toy with whenever she feels the urge to, but he doesn't mind, because he has gained a friend, someone who he is guaranteed not to fall in love with (he's sure by this point that he doesn't swing that way) and someone who understands and knows him without judging him. And he likes it. So, whenever Amy says or does something stupid, he just smiles vacantly, and acts like it isn't ripping his already fractured heart into smaller pieces. He knows he deserves more, but for all his knowledge and power, there is not a single thing he can do to change his pitiful yet hopeful existence, except to accept this happening and pray that when he breaks, he'll be alone (like he always is, especially in bed, when Amy thinks he's sleeping and has gone to harass the poor Doctor) and no one will be there to see the end.

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><p><strong>AN**- Not my best work, I have to admit, but this is written whilst I am practically dying of exhaustion so... Please R&R!


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